Ep37. 失蹤了的兩星期
希望大家呢一兩個禮拜都瞓得好，祝大家新年快樂、身體健康、平平安安。
唔知你哋有幾多人同我一樣都係introvert內向嘅人呢？雖然冇朋友會信，但係咁都只係因為我太鍾意你哋，見到面嘅時候會主動講嘢！最近唔見咗兩個禮拜係因為Clubhouse！！我發現我真係唔係一個轉數好快嘅人，同埋要同人對話真係令我覺得好攰好攰，所以玩咗一個禮拜Clubhouse我就已經burn out！究竟外向同內向嘅人有咩分別呢？以我嘅唔專業理解，外向嘅人基本上就好似大家心目中嘅ideal咁，好鍾意同好多人一齊，從人群之中得到能量，覺得放鬆、開心。例如公司有同事係可以不停講嘢，每一朝見到佢都要講一大輪small talk；我試過同外向嘅acquaintence講電話，基本上我放低咗電話20分鐘，佢都係冇停止過講嘢，亦都無留意我放低咗電話。內向嘅人從獨處之中得到力量、休息。唔係唔鍾意同其他人相處，但係會有啲攰，所以通常唔可以handle太多人嘅聚會。以我為例子，我可以好hyper咁參加一個聚會，不停傾計，然後大概2個鐘我嘅energy就會直線下降，完全諗唔到嘢好攰好攰，跟住返到屋企要攤喺床上面唔郁兩個鐘。身邊嘅好朋友大部份都係內向嘅，咁唔代表我唔會鍾意同外向嘅朋友玩，只係我哋有個不成文規定，如果一個外向朋友，我要約起碼多一個內向嘅朋友頂住先，即係佢越外向，個比例就要調節下，例如係1：2 變1：3。內向嘅朋友可能會覺得「吓！咁樣佢會唔會唔開心」，係唔會嘅，因為外向嘅朋友係唔會care嘅。如果大家有人係外向嘅可能會覺得好匪夷所思，而內向嘅朋友唔知你會唔會認同我呢？好似reinforce緊stereotype咁，咁就要靠大家發掘吓我嘅經驗同你哋嘅一唔一樣喇！
我諗我到咗而家都唔係好識拿捏嘅性格，因為我個腦就係咁burn out咗成個新年假！喺Clubhouse，我最uncomfortable嘅係，我覺得無喘息嘅空間，我覺得有好多嘢唔係即刻要俾反應。當我哋嘅交流剩低把聲嘅時候，我哋好自然就覺得dead air好明顯，好想fill the gap。如果係面對面討論，其實其中嘅dead air係好有用。我就係想大家appreciate一吓我哋生活中嘅一啲留白。唔知大家有冇一種感覺係：雖然真係好開心有多咗一個渠道溝通，例如上次兩岸三地青年討論！但係縱觀唔同嘅chatroom，其中硬係有啲對話係真係唔知講緊乜。其中有啲有意思嘅，好想有時間沉澱、感受、咀嚼、吸收，但係一切都太急促喇，於是我就覺得好overwhelmed，所以個腦就塞咗。另外，如果一個討論係不回應、不反駁，咁呢個係一個bulletin board，有佢嘅好處，但都有佢嘅壞處。我對自己嘅小總結係，我哋可能多咗渠道去發聲，但係我唔覺得我哋更懂得聆聽，而我覺得modern world需要嘅唔係資訊，而係點樣去聆聽。
為咗呢一集，我特登搵番遠在澳洲嘅好朋友Joyce送俾我嘅一本書《Quiet》嚟睇。呢本書作者Susan Cain。佢都有一個TED Talk架，但係我覺得本書好睇好多。好好笑，個封面副題係：The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking。lol lol 「a world that can't stop talking」真係好應景。當年睇咗呢本書係令到我開竅，令我embrace自己嘅性格原來係冇問題嘅。由細到大我都好想迫自己做一個外向嘅人，覺得嘩好多朋友好多人陪好似係一個ideal咁。書嘅第一部份叫《The extroverted ideal》，第一章解釋點解extroversion會成為一個「cultural ideal」。個故事就要由1902年講起⋯⋯作者提起Dale Carnegie。當時嘅Carnegie喺美國肯薩斯州嘅一個小鎮。屋企冇錢，爸爸近乎破產。當時有一個movement叫Chautauqua，Wiki話係「an adult education and social movement in the United States, highly popular in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Chautauqua assemblies expanded and spread throughout rural America until the mid-1920s. The Chautauqua brought entertainment and culture for the whole community, with speakers, teachers, musicians, showmen, preachers, and specialists of the day」當時仲未有電視機，呢個應該係好多美國小鎮嘅人嘅知識、娛樂來源？當時Carnegie睇到其中一個講者嘅故事同佢差唔多都係喺窮鄉僻壤，但係就係因為佢口才了得，就成為咗Chautauqua嘅leader。當時佢覺得呢個係脫貧嘅好機會，於是好努力學習public speaking。當時嘅經濟環境製造咗一種新嘅職業，salesman，於是Carnegie就憑著佢嘅說話能力加入咗呢個職業，然後仲開埋班添！到咗今時今日都有呢啲Carnegie public speaking course，我公司有俾我哋上過，what a joke lol，好癲架。Carnegie話：「In the days when pianos and bathrooms were luxuries, men regarded ability in speaking as a peculiar gift, needed only by lawyer, clergyman, or statesman. Today we have come to realise that it is the indispensable weapon of those who would forge ahead in the keen competition of business.」總之佢就係話以前大家覺得說話能力係一個好少職業需要嘅能力，但係今時今日係一個係商業世界突圍而出嘅武器。
書中提到cultural historian Warren Susman話Carnegie嘅成功引伸一個cultural evolution（文化演化），將美國由Culture of Character變成Culture of Personality。Culture of Character吹捧嘅係serious, disciplined and honorable，都係一啲內在啲嘅形容詞。Personality呢隻字都係18世紀先開始出現，而有一個"good personality"都係20世紀嘅時候先開始慢慢變得popular。「But when they embraced the Culture of Personality, Americans started to focus on how others perceived them. 開始關注其他人點睇自己； They become captivated by people who were bold and entertaining. Susman話：『The social role demanded of all in the new Culture of Personality was that of a performer. Every American was to become a performing self.』」每個人都好似要成為一個表演者咁。係呢度我諗作者唔係想話extroverts就係想引人關注，畢竟性格嘅嘢係天生，但係佢講嘅係呢一種性格成為一個備受追捧嘅性格背後嘅文化歷史。我諗每個年代都需要唔同嘅人、性格，當時就係咁樣嘅世界。
我比較鍾意嘅係第三章《When collaboration kills creativity - The rise of the new groupthink and the power of working alone》，淨係睇個題目都知講咩啦，就係有時合作一齊brainstorm係唔work嘅。書中舉咗歷史人物、科學家、發明家做例子，但係最貼身嘅就係我哋自己嘅經驗。佢提到solitude就係自己一個人做Deliberate Practice，好專注一樣嘢不停練習或思考。所以有時有啲workshop要大家推埋一齊互相brainstorm，其實真係講多過諗。同埋公司啲開始整啲open office大家冇私隱，好似好新穎咁，其實好多人都覺得非常辛苦。之後值得提一提嘅係第四章《Is Temperament destiny？》，裡面講到一位心理學家Jerome Kagan嘅一個研究，睇下可唔可以喺小朋友仲係bb嘅時候估計佢第時大個會係introvert定extrovert。大概20%嘅bb被分成「highly reactive」，即係對於一啲外來嘅stimuli會好大反應。另外40%就係無咩反應嘅，另外40%就係中間。個結論令我諗起幾年前做嘅一個心理評估，我嘅neuroticism係非常非常高，即係好容易受到外來嘅聲音等等影響。Kagan發現，呢20%嘅bb大個咗好大機會係內向嘅人。Kagan亦都發現呢啲highly reactive嘅bb嘅amygdala比較敏感，容易因為stimuli心跳加速、多啲cortisol、聲帶會緊啲，所以最近我因為認識一個新朋友而勁緊張，甚至心跳勁快、手震同埋把聲唔同咗lol，唔知係咪都係因為咁。作者話：「High-reactive kids tend to think and feel deeply about what they've noticed, and to bring an extra degree of nuance to everyday experiences」，所以可能係咁，會對外來嘅stimuli例如係Clubhouse不停咁有人講嘢覺得招架不住？不過作者都話temperament係一個biological predisposition，而性格係後期慢慢形成嘅。兩者雖然有關係，但係係唔一樣嘅。
最近嘅資訊氾濫仲令我諗起而家睇緊Yuval Noah Harari嘅《21 Lessons for the 21st Century》入面嘅其中一章《Ignorance》 － You know less than you think。「Individual humans know embarrassingly little about the world, and as history has progressed, they have come to know less and less. We think we know a lot, even though individually we know very little, because we treat knowledge in the minds of others as if it were our own.」佢話，每個人其實只係知道好少，但係我哋以為自己知道好多，因為好多時我哋當人哋嘅知識係自己嘅。佢提到groupthink同埋knowledge illusion：「The world is becoming ever more complex, and people fail to realise just how ignorant they are of what's going on.」世界越來越複雜，而人類冇發現到自己係好無知。睇到呢度，我就諗Can you be more connected than ever but more ignorant than ever? 會唔會係我哋越connected to資訊，但係越無知呢？Harari話：要得到知識、真相，「You are just far too busy... Yet if you want to go deeply into any subject, you need a lot of time, and you need the privilege of wasting time.」如果要深入理解一樣嘢，你要好多時間，同埋要有可以浪費時間嘅奢華。「If you really want truth, you need to escape the black hole of power and allow yourself to waste a lot of time wandering here and there on the periphery.」如果你想要真相，你要擺脫對權力嘅依戀，因為一個權力越大嘅人就越冇時間。
係呢個乜都要快，連諗嘢都要快。要快就唔可以深入。有一樣嘢無論社交媒體點樣都取代唔到嘅係文字。文字之間嘅留白就係我思想嘅空間。我唔係想知得多啲嘢，定係鬥快嘔的觀點出來，而係要諗一啲新嘅觀點出嚟。所以我極度抗拒睇雞精書，或者用個啲乜app去濃縮一本書；如果係可以濃縮到幾分鐘講完，咁本書都幾失敗。雖然我講多咗啲關於內向嘅嘢去解釋點解我好overwhelmed，但係我覺得最尾無論外向定內向，都要記得Clubhouse係一個好好嘅平台，但係我會分清楚佢係一個乜嘢嘅渠道，然後留返時間俾自己思考。無論有幾多新資訊都代替唔到Slow thinking。